So I was talking with an old friend who's in town tonight and we were asking each other what makes people most interesting and one key thing we discussed was that they are interested. Interested in everything. Curious. Maybe even fascinated by a wide variety of topics. The world is a fun puzzle and it feels good to put another piece together. Connecting to people by exploring their thoughts and feelings is rewarding and becomes a natural habit. One way to recognize such people is that they ask good questions. They really want to know. If you mention something, they'll dig for more. Because of their experience finding out more about things, they also tend to have interesting insights of their own to add to a conversation. I look around at a higher-than-expected number of my otherwise very impressive friends around here and notice that they don't demonstrate this trait much. One girl who I've been out with several times, for example, is smart, talented, informed, professional, a good leader, intuitive, active, attractive, and has beautiful eyes, but I can count on one hand the times she's asked a question about me or my opinion with more depth than "How are you?" Maybe she's just not interested in my opinion. If so, that would be fine, but I think it's more than that. It's too prevalent locally compared to people I know from everywhere else in the world to make sense without having a root in the local culture. So here are my rambling ideas on why this happens and what can be done about it: 1. Utah Valley is much, much, much too concerned with appearances. There are many examples to support this assertion. For example, think of all the smiling-but-depressed housewives who make "happy valley" famous for our record-high levels of antidepressant use and abuse. "No one likes to see a frown," they learned in primary, and no one wants to admit to depression when we're "supposed" to be happy. This concern with appearances leaves less room to express uniqueness, to explore, and to become anything beyond the prescribed identity, lifestyle, and train of thought. 2. UV is famous for its cookie-cutter personality machine. People sometimes get the idea that there's a "true" personality and work to match it (remember when all women who spoke in LDS general conference sounded like they were talking to preschoolers, for example?). Thus, if people aren't really encouraged to explore their unique identity, life gets kinda bland (!!!!) and what's there to ask about if you already know what everyone thinks because everyone thinks more or less the same things? 3. If many people aren't good at asking questions, exploring the people around them, showing genuine interest and curiosity, and growing beyond cookie cutter personality choices, then many people never get to satisfactorily express themselves. Remember Steven R. Covey? "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." If people don't get to express themselves, they're less likely to be open others. Now for the plan of action: Ready? On three, everybody be interested! Ask questions! Then ask follow up questions. When someone says something, delve! Explore. Go deeper. Find out. 1, 2, 3! Look for differences as much (or more, actually) than similarities. Value uniqueness, especially when it's genuine and not just part of a ready-made personality (complete with wardrobe, favorite bands, attitudes about parents and education, etc.). Learn about talents, feelings, perceptions, experiences, values, and how they all interact to create the person standing in front of you. The idea is that once someone gets encouraged to express their thoughts and feelings sufficiently, their need to express will be sated and the natural result is to open up to something new. I don't know if this will work, bc I've asked some of the people I'm referring to many questions without a noticeable effect. I'm hoping if more people join the effort, perhaps then something will change. Maybe if you notice the same thing in your friends, tell them about the idea and see if they get it and want to try being more interested. Maybe try finding more interest in others and see what difference it makes as you express it. If you do try this (or already do it), pls let me know how it goes and what you think of the whole idea.