When things aren't going as you'd like and that bothers you, you can bet on one thing - that it's your own fault.
What I mean is that the fact that anything disturbs you - even when you feel TOTALLY justified in your indignation - means that you have an issue about it. A trigger. A button that can be pushed.
The real kicker is that when you have a button like that, your irrational sensitivity to it creates exactly the kind of circumstances in your life that so irritate and frustrate and discourage (or whatever) you. What a royal pain, n'est-ce pas? And all that trouble so that eventually, by some amazing miracle or through deep humility or utter desperation or whatever it takes, maybe you can learn your lesson once and for all and get it right at last and find the happiness and satisfaction you expected all along.
What I'm really saying here is that it's my own fault. The fact that I see this now tells me that I'm learning and everything can change now.
Good luck with that. Change isn’t always so easy, but it’ll come. Recognition is the first step, so congrats on that. That “a-ha” moment is so energizing though, isn’t it?
Last night, I thought about how I used to say that I don’t like titles. Labels. Resume accolades and so forth. I feel different now. Now I don’t like nor dislike those things, I just don’t care. No energy on it. Put a title on me or don’t. Label me if you want. It will probably slide off and if it doesn’t, great. Whatever.
Indeed, everything can change now. And is and will and has.
I tried explaining to my mom today, how it was OK for me to be quitting my nice job i’ve loved, and now have issues with. I look at everything and see that the problems I have are a direct result of what I did or didn’t do. I DID put too much of myself into it. I DIDN’T assert myself enough on the things I believed. I felt mad about…something. But that “something” was the fact that…I couldn’t change anything.
Odd concept. I couldn’t change anything so therefore the change is in the awareness that by not changing anything, i’m now changing into more of the person I want to be, that accepts change! That’s always been scary for me, needing to feel secure, having too many things in my life that change…
Change is good!