When you boil it all down, there are only four ways to be happy. Each works in different situations and to varying degrees. Here they are:
- Outwardly
- Outside-in
- Inside-out
- Inwardly
How to be Outwardly Happy
Outward happiness is pretty much what it sounds like. You smile, you laugh, you keep up appearances that all is well whether it's true or not.
If all that matters to you is what other people think, and, specifically, people thinking that you're happy, then outward happiness is enough.
A few people may be so unaware of their feelings that they don't even notice anything beyond the outward shows.
Outward happiness can be lonely, depressing, stressful, and unfulfilling. It's easy to understand why some people who look like they're on top of the world suddenly commit suicide. Living for appearances ain't much to live for.
If you actually want to
feel happy, then you'll move on to one of the other options.
Outside-in Happiness
Outside-in happiness means that you expect
external things to make you happy. A new car, for example, new clothes, even new friends, jobs, vacations...anything.
Outside-in describes those people who always look
forward to happiness. When they get to drive, get married, graduate, get a job, retire, or die...
then they'll be happy!
The big problem with outside-in happiness is that it's so conditional and dependent on things over which you often have no control.
Blaming is common in this state of mind. If someone cuts you off in traffic, says something unkind, forgets your birthday, or doesn't notice your new shoes...then you see them has having
made you unhappy.
Outside-in happiness is not all bad, however. It's
okay to enjoy your car, clothes, friends, and everything else. It's
good, even. Why not? When it comes to happiness, take what you can get! If you fail to enjoy the external things around you, you're missing out on great opportunities.
Inside-out Happiness
Inside-out happiness is preached and championed by religions, philosophers and psychologists everywhere. The basic idea is that happiness is a result of your actions.
Love, serve, give. Lose your life for others and in losing it, you will find it.
Act, play, work. In action and using your talents, you will find meaning and satisfaction.
Inside-out happiness also includes being good. Doing what God wants you to. His commandments are given to bring enlightenment. When you don't follow them, you damage your spirit, which leads away from happiness and toward misery.
One problem with being good, however (besides the obvious temptations), is that none of us interpret His commands completely accurately. He tells us to "love one another," and we all have our own limited idea of what that means. Some think it means being polite. Some think it means doing service and making sacrifice. Some think it means strictly and blindly obeying whatever their perception of the commandments is. Some think it means letting everyone be and do whatever they want without judgment. Who is right? The only true answer is that none of us fully comprehend God's mind, and we never will if we don't humbly seek to.
In short, inside-out happiness is a pretty good thing. Taking action, getting involved, focusing on something and someone other than yourself, and doing your best are all excellent ways to create opportunities for happiness.
Don't limit yourself by thinking you do enough of these things because you're up to par with other reasonable people. If you want to make the most of inside-out happiness, you can probably do a little more than what you already do, and the further you stretch, the greater the rewards.
Inside-out happiness is not always immediate, however, and it's sometimes not enough. Try telling a depressed person "Don't worry, be happy!" for example. How likely are they to stop, smile, and say, "Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me!"?
Inward Happiness
Inward happiness means that inside your head and heart, you have chosen to be happy and removed all the barriers.
If you're lucky enough to be a youngest child and skip through your life with the attitude that "everything you do is cute," then perhaps you can claim true inward happiness.
But if you're like most of us, there are doubts, fears, limiting beliefs about who we are and what we're capable of. There is sadness at times, challenges, opportunities for courage and growth. There's confusion and error, pain and regret, and often there is not clear path before us.
If only you could get completely clear. If only you could see through your doubts and fears and understand how truly great you are without them.
Is this too much to ask? Is it possible to become so enlightened that you truly become free to be your best self? Is inward happiness just another flawed attempt at perfectionism? Is it unrealistic and should you just give up, make the most of whatever you can enjoy, and continue on until you die?
Those are important questions to answer, because the road to clear inward happiness can be long and painful. Along this path, you must face your fears and limitations, and that's not comfortable! Even worse, most people have no idea how to conquer or move beyond them. Once you begin such a journey, you can't just change your mind and go back to the way things were.
The goal of inward happiness is perhaps best for those who can be satisfied with nothing less. These people are driven either by their vision of what's possible or by the fact that the misery of the status quo is too much to bear, and they'll do anything necessary to change.
How to be Happy
If you're determined to increase your inward happiness, I obviously can't tell you everything you need to know in this article, but here are a few pointers:
1. Choose Up.
Choosing up means choosing the best you are able in every situation. If you have a chance to feel happy - take it! Serve, forgive, enjoy your talents, or whatever it takes. Get your brain in the habit of feeling good whenever possible.
Choosing to feel grateful for everything possible, for example, is a great way to see the best in your circumstances, and one of the quickest ways to increase your happiness.
2. Act.
Like a toothache, misery can really capture your attention. You may be tempted to meditate until it goes away. Change doesn't usually happen that quickly, however, and balancing your life will bring you the fastest and best results. Plan as if your journey will take at least the next five to ten years. If you get there faster, great. If not, it's a good thing you planned that way.
Figure out your talents (notice what you enjoy and/or what you do well) and make a little time for each of them, even if you don't feel like it!
3. Get support.
Spend time with friends and family. Share some of your feelings with those you trust, but don't wear out your welcome. Not everyone knows how to support you, and it's not their job to make you all better. Be grateful for whatever you can get.
There are some very good counsellors and energy workers out there who can cut years off your journey, significantly lighten your load, and provide a map or other tools that can help you along the way.
Pray. Whether you know it or not, God is aware of you and will answer your prayers - though maybe not in the time frame you would like, so be patient.
This morning I prayed that something today would click. That I would see something, hear something, or read something that would stick with me for life. Something that would just make sense and help me on my journey. Something truly inspirational.
Thanks for answering my prayer.