What does the alternative to the race look like? Is there still running involved? Can one move forward while standing still? What is forward? What is this linear concept of time of which we submit, and how does it affect our everyday choices? Is there another way of looking at time? Circular? Like the Mayans?

“Time to cut my losses, abandon the goldless mine shaft, and start over in a better direction.”

A new country altogether? Or one in which you’ve resided your entire life?

What was one of the “prized values” you hung onto past its expiration date? It would be interesting to hear an example.

I agree that there is little to be said to the super-idealistic, except to posit the idea that alternatives are available, just like you said. I remember my mother tossing me similar and more cutting zingers as that which your brother shared with you. I ruminated on them for years, fighting them and acknowledging a sliver of wisdom that came too soon for action.

Like I finally decided that my china hutch, after being used in every location of the house for every single non-traditional purpose, actually works quite well for the purpose it was intended. Dishes. In the dining room. But I’m digressing with a practical example of a very deep “prized value” I held onto for years. Maybe I would cal it non-conformity. Maybe it was a fear that conforming to tradition would thwart the forward motion of new thought, innovation, and ideas.

I smiled through this entire post, concluding the read with a sentimental flush of a few tears, then a sweep of energy for your new footing. Your virgin vista.

I’ve also learned not to expect others to go all-out even when there’s lots of exciting work to get finished and big rewards right around the corner.

Hey Candice, good to see you here! Well put. It’s not really the death of anything, is it? Just the rebirth/renewal/revision, and the change is good.

P.S. I hope you’ve been practicing Listz’s Un Susuru (sp?), ’cause I really want to hear that again next time we meet!

I think that is analagous to life too.

And you’re right, I’m not giving up my determination or idealism, not completely, except to adjust what I should expect from people and myself, which is less than before, but better. The closer to reality that gets, the better it will work and the more I’ll enjoy it.

You’re also right about your will. I’m kind of amazed at what you’ve turned yourself into and the impact you must have on people around you. Good work!!!

I do agree with you on the fact that people have to want to change themselves. There is nothing, nothing that can work as a substitute for their will power. That was my huge take home lesson from my mission. As much as I wanted to change the world, the world had to want to change itself. I can relate somewhat to the sentiments of feeling like your idealism has been taken out of you. But I don’t think it is a lack of idealism, because I am still idealistic – I am just less naive about how it all works.

I can change the world – sort of. I can control my world much more than I previously realized I could. My will power, or agency, is incredibly powerful. And I can be a catalyst to change for others where someone else’s will has already decided what direction it wants to take. I cannot give that desire to them, but I can aid that desire once it is there. I have learned a quiet but powerful reverence towards human agency. I am idealistic in the sense that I believe that this will power can change the world, but rather than the world in general, one personal world at a time.

With that in mind, I believe in your agency. I’ve always enjoyed the world you created around yourself.

I read something that reminded me of you:

“An author is either a teacher or an enchanter. A storyteller is both.”